Lockdown story of Me to New me!

My lockdown story

Hello readers,

I think we have moved way past the point where I can ask for apologies for not being regular with my blogs.

But all have plans and so I had some too. I actually wanted to pen down a new blog only after a new beginning but I just could not miss today's date without sharing the overload of emotions I am feeling today.

March 14, 2020

So before you wonder what is so special today. Actually, this day, March 14, last year, I left behind the city of dreams - Mumbai with a never ending hope to get back to it for my graduation.

But alas! We all know life had something else in store for us. Not that I am filled with anger and regret for it but attachments, that's the thing with me. Something that tear me down when given a lot of thought into it. For more than 2 years, I had been living in Mumbai. I created so many bonds with people, with places, oh! And obviously, the dogs and cats that I came across. So, parting away with that without really realizing it was hard part to deal with.

What happened?

Initially I went to Pune on the account of study leave but then, the leave got extended as India got into phase 1 of lockdown on March 24 and the year was just getting started. I am not here to take you back to this ghastly experience but just how I found my silver lining in it.

Life in Lockdown

Unlike everyone else, even I began with frustration and uncertainty creeping me out because all my plans came to a halt indefinitely. People around me were getting anxious about their life choices and direction.

Despite all this, I consider myself grateful to not be worried about the food on my plate every day. I was and still am blessed enough. Since the basic stress was out of my sight, I was getting into other personal worries in life.

Honestly, this lockdown phase brought out the most unfiltered sides of people and it was indeed unusual because we are never ready to face ourselves without the societal masks. People have always been stressing enough on the need to have me time - a quality time with self, but it didn't become a real thing, till we were forced to be indoors with nothing but our thoughts. Being an avid overthinker that I am, I fought uncountable battles in my mind and through my written words.

At first, slipping into the dark dungeons of mind was unruly. I would begin with reality and then, build up the most horrid scenarios leading to devastating outcomes. I got so deeper into my mind that the lines between reality and imagination were eventually blurring out. I was withdrawing from interactions even though they were virtual. My energy levels were massively fluctuating.

And trust me, I am not over exaggerating what my thoughts did to me in these times. However, with my family and closest friends, I found my way back to the light and I was able to channel my thoughts to look for the brighter aspect to most of it.

The good part

Even though it was aching to go through, but I feel so much more ME than ever before. I love to explore various horizons that exist in people but it was a tough to confront myself on some matters and now that I was forced to do it, I just became lighter.

Now, I am so full with myself that I have lost touch with many people around me, I sense that there has been a shift in the frequency at which I vibe along with others. Not being cynical but the journey to success is quite lonely and I am okay with that, actually everyone should.

It is high time to realize that not everyone can be a favorable company for you and you have all the right to choose and do the right for you without feeling guilty about it.

In a nutshell, self improvement has made a substantial space in my life now. 

Self love and self hate take turns to visit me; and I am mindful enough to make fruitful choices for myself.

And like I mentioned earlier, all my plans got halted but these new plans are more clear, more thoughtful and all in all, so much better.

What changed me?

In the rush of everyday life, I always looked forward without contemplating and learning from my past. That changed this year because of lockdown, I looked back more often and while sinking into my regrets and wrong turns, I found my lessons too.

I love this new me and the one I am striving to become. While the world hated(hates) this lockdown, I do too. But I cannot deny the fact that it has improved me so tremendously.

And before, I write a saga here, it is wise to conclude.

Cheers to making right and bold choices

Cheers on winning over your not so good sides

Cheers to every darkest hour,

followed by the brightest sunshine...

P.S. This one is too personal and intimate. Nothing can appeal more than what comes from the heart and that's what I am trying to learn, to be real and vulnerable.

Tell me in the comment section how this lockdown worked out for you? Were you able to find pieces of you in these words? Would you like more such blogs in here. Let me know!

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